Internet chat rooms offer romance to Maghreb residents

2008-08-01

The Maghreb region has embraced the trend of meeting strangers in chat rooms and finding a venue for self-expression, even on taboo subjects, in cyber-space.

By Jamel Arfaoui for Magharebia in Tunis – 01/08/08

[Jamel Arfaoui] Chat and dating websites like Ab Coeur entice people of all ages to converse openly, despite sometimes strict social taboos.

For many people in the Maghreb, the internet has gone from a forum for discussing politics to a place where emotions kept hidden in public can be freely expressed.

In a society still bound by traditions and redlined by religion, people of all ages and social classes prefer to hide their deepest thoughts behind solid computer screens. With a plethora of "virtual clubs" springing up online, cyberspace is the new meeting place for finding a friend or, for some lucky ones, a perfect romantic partner.

Meryam, who is over 30 years old and still single, said the internet helped her achieve her long-desired goal of getting to know the opposite sex "without embarrassment or any obligations".

"I'm free to speak to whoever I want and to reject whoever I want," she said. "The environment in which I grew up is conservative and rejects social intercourse between men and women. I had no other option but to secretly log into these virtual clubs where the two sexes can meet."

One website drawing more visitors every day is Ab Coeur. It is becoming increasingly popular among the young. According to the owners of the website, the number of subscribers is currently about 300,000, made up mostly of Algerians, Tunisians and Moroccans. The French also have a notable presence on the site. Subscribers range from 18 to 90 years old. One-third of them are women.

Ab Coeur subscriber Mourad ben Saad, a young man in his twenties, said he spends more than 5 hours a day on his computer, either surfing or chatting on the website.

"I have become addicted to speaking with girls whom I don't know," he said. "We speak about everything… without any taboos."

Mourad's internet girlfriends are of different ages, locations and backgrounds. He has also encountered married women, as well as men who wanted to have relations with him.

"What surprised me most is that they spoke frankly with me about their sexual inclinations," he told Magharebia, "including sexual preferences that no one would dare to speak about away from the computer screen".

Journalist Mokhtar Tlili has been monitoring the website since it was launched five years ago. "You find the real images of the Arab and Islamic societies," he said. "You discover people who speak absolutely honestly about issues that are not only rejected in our countries, but also religiously and morally banned; issues that family and friends refuse to accept."

Tlili thinks that the internet has forever changed the rules for social contact in the region.

"After 14 centuries of a male-dominated system that doesn't allow any discussion of emotional and sexual issues, the web came to destroy all the taboos and forbidden issues. Our young people are now able to find a confession stand on the web, through which they express all their passionate dreams, as well as their concerns and questions, without fear," Tlili explained.

"The web has given the young people of our region an unparalleled opportunity to escape from a reality that judges natural emotional relations on a scale of halal and haram."

He also suggests that speaking so freely about emotional matters may relieve some young people from psychological pressures which can lead to violence: "After someone spends his/her night speaking about love and agitated passions, this will make them more balanced the following morning when they walk in the streets."

[Jamel Arfaoui] For many young people, meeting online is easier than arranging to spend time in person.

But this virtual freedom does not come without a need for online anonymity. Fake names and fictionalised biographies are common among the Tunisians who frequent these sites. Some use entertainers' names such as "Jennifer Lopez" or "Monica Bellucci." Others prefer to go political and choose to be called "Obama" or "Kennedy". Subscribers offer a hint about their personality with usernames such as lalatek (your lady), mughamer" (adventurer), aabera (female passer-by) or haera (bewildered woman).

Devout Muslims have also joined the trend. Religious net surfers, such as the Moroccan teacher who introduced himself as "Muslim" or the Tunisian woman with the moniker "mohajaba" (veiled woman), do not hesitate to ask that their partner be devout as well.

Men outnumber women 4-1 in chat rooms. Most are in their thirties or forties.

No one seems embarrassed to talk about their sexual preferences, even married men and women looking for casual relationships or girls looking for intimacy with other girls.

"All males, with all due respect, please don't try to contact me," one female user writes on her page. Another post says, "I will reject all men. Therefore, they shouldn't try to contact me and waste my time."

During the week, especially in the morning hours, older people dominate the site. Most of them access the internet from work.

It is another story on the weekends, however, when young people make web traffic spike. In "a world where there is no time for meeting or getting to know other people", said Tunisian social worker Mongi Saidani, the younger generation is comfortable pursuing online rendezvous.

"Unlike the reality they live in," he said, in the cyber-world, "young men are not required to propose or bear the consequent financial obligations".

The web "protects them against everything, including the taboos that are still prevalent in Arab society," Saidani added.

Although we are in the 21st century, he noted, speaking about sex is still off-limits in Tunisia and across the Maghreb.

Online, he told Magharebia, behind the safety of the computer screen, anything is possible and everyone has a voice.

According to statistics released this year by the Arab League, the percentage of internet penetration is 14.36% in Morocco, 5.62% in Libya, 5.33% in Algeria, 3.46% in Tunisia and 0.47% in Mauritania.