Moroccans wait for marriage, but keep ceremonies traditional
2007-06-01
Moroccan women are waiting longer to marry, but when they do tie the knot they do it with all the pomp and circumstance of yesteryear.
By Sarah Touahri for Magharebia in Rabat – 01/06/2007
 [Sarah Touahri] Moroccan brides often change their clothing several times during the wedding celebration. |
For many Moroccan women, marriage remains a necessity, even if it comes later in life. Society has seen a great deal of change in recent decades, with improved education having perhaps the most profound impact on the deferral of marriage. The average marrying age of women has risen from 17 in 1960 to 27, according to the High Commission for Planning and Statistics (HCP). But many of the most modern women eventually submit to tradition.
Sociologist Jamila Baadi told Magharebia that in Morocco, as in other Arab countries, marriage may no longer be the top priority for women, but it remains a necessity. "The Moroccan mindset has changed... over the past three decades. Families no longer feel the need to marry off their daughters as soon as possible, preferring to send them to school first, so that they can be educated and financially independent," said Baadi.
However, while society’s views on marriage have changed, women still face great pressure from society when they reach their thirties. Jalila Arafaoui, a bank clerk, married two years ago at the age of thirty-five. She was enjoying success in her professional life and thought that nothing could stop her from having fun and making a life for herself. "But when I turned thirty, the way my neighbours and family looked at me became irritating. My parents asked me every day if anyone wanted to marry me. Because of the pressure they put me under, I accepted the first offer that came my way, and suffered the consequences," Arafaoui said, adding that she got divorced after four years.
Many women like Jalila feel this pressure as they approach their thirties. Samira Sefrioui, a teacher, suffers daily because she is 38 and still unmarried. Although she is financially independent, she is still receives hurtful comments from all sides. "I can’t stand the pitying way my close relatives look at me. It makes me ill at ease, even though the fact I’m not married is a personal decision I took some years ago, to have a quiet life," she explained.
But while Samira has deliberately chosen to remain single, other young women suffer because they have been unable to find the ideal husband. Baadi explained that some young women who have achieved a high level of education begin looking for a husband with the same level of university qualifications. But as time goes by, they realise that they have spent the best years of their life searching and not finding anyone. "That is the moment when they feel social and cultural pressure from those around them," Baadi said.
Khadija R., a doctor, is a perfect example: at forty years old, she is still not married. A few years ago she wanted to marry a surgeon, but as time went on her demands became less specific. "For now, I no longer have that requirement. I simply want a respectable husband so that I can have a child before reaching menopause. I regret having spent my life looking for a tailor-made husband," she says with frustration.
Even the most modern women submit to tradition and celebrate their marriages according to ancient tradition. "The young bride, whether educated or illiterate, always aspires to observe the special rituals of the marriage ceremony," said Baadi.
It is almost impossible for the young bride to refuse the mahr [a financial gift from the husband to the wife]. The mahr is obligatory under Islam, but is normally only a symbolic amount. In Morocco, however, it represents the woman’s value in the eyes of her future husband. There are very few women today who would put up with a symbolic mahr. Asmae Bekkali, a 24-year-old student, just broke up with her fiancé because of the mahr. "To me, it’s symbolic, and it’s love which counts. But for my family, where I’m the only daughter, my future husband must express my value," said Bekkali. "I cannot change their minds. My fiancé had the means, but as a matter of principle he refused to give me a mahr which would satisfy my parents’ aspirations," she continued.
 [khaoula.com] |
Other traditions and rituals are equally important. The marriage celebration has an atmosphere of its own, beginning with the hammam [or Turkish bath], which the bride visits with her closest female relatives. On the eve of the wedding she attends a henna ceremony, in the presence of women from both families. The groom's gifts to the bride are displayed for the guests amidst great festivities, singing and dancing. On the big day, the bride is presented to the guests in her best finery. A professional co-ordinator called the neggafa paints on the bride's henna and takes meticulous care of her appearance and wardrobe, which changes several times throughout the ceremony.
Saida Tounoussi is a neggafa. She learned the trade secrets from her grandmother, and has spent the past ten years preparing brides for their wedding day. "It’s a captivating profession which I’ve no doubt will always be profitable. Certainly, my income is only predictable in the summer, when a lot of marriages are celebrated. But I manage to make a living," she declared. In her shop in Temara, a young woman is busy looking through a photograph album to choose the traditional costumes she would like to wear for her wedding. "Without a neggafa, I wouldn’t consider myself to be properly married. Like all girls, I want to be the most beautiful woman at my marriage ceremony. And that’s where Saida will help me," the young lady said happily.
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Toufik Posted 2007-06-03
I have never been able to understand why, like in Algeria, brides have to show off changing to a new attire every 1/2 hour or so. The bride can come from a modest family but they will spend a lot of money to acquire those costumes (up to 10 i believe), that can vary from the traditional local outfit to the ... Indian sari! I wonder where the tradition comes from. In my view, it is ridiculous when you think that a few months later there is a 30% chance bride and groom will go separate ways.
matata Posted 2007-06-05
I am an African from the Ivory Coast. I have the same point of view as those who respect traditional marriage ceremonies. The dream only comes true once in a lifetime. It is therefore necessary to put all your efforts forth to make it so that it is never forgotten.
hicham Posted 2007-06-06
It's difficult to marry a Moroccan woman.
ssalh jwabrre Posted 2007-06-07
I have no confidence in the young Moroccan women.
sara zitouni Posted 2007-06-19
I respect the traditions of Morocco, I like the wedding ceremony as it's varied in dishes, attires and jewels.
bushra bou Posted 2007-06-23
its nice to keep the traditional morrocan weeding because thats what give the taste and make it different than other marriges and because im a wedding planner i did a lot wedding for different nationality and i relaise that they like our tradition morrocan in marrige and i make it for vip cleinte in dubai and i add new touch but as morrocan design . ive a lot to say from my experience in this busness,but ill say its nice to progress and look for new design or new arrangement ,new idea but keep the tradition because thats whats make the thing different. if any body ve any question ,pls e_mail me .
nadia Posted 2007-06-25
I approve of wedding traditions in Morocco, as they haven't disappeared like other traditions. That's why we should stick to them.
mahmoudoukaly Posted 2007-07-04
To tell you the truth, I do not trust girls or boys- they're all opportunists. It has become very difficult to find a respectful woman or man, I am facing this dilemma myself, I want to marry but I am afraid to marry someone who will cause me problems.
aziz Posted 2007-07-05
The Moroccan wedding is nice in all its aspects, but the problem is with the brides of this era- they're thirsty for money.
خديجة Posted 2007-07-07
Salam Alaikoum, every woman wishes to marry once in her life time, that's why she's keen to make these three days the most beautiful in her life. In my opinion, every bride should celebrate her wedding. Personally, I was deprived of that great pleasure. Though I'm married, whenever I hear a wedding celebration, I feel sad and wish I had lived such great moments. The bride feels as if she were the most beautiful and luckiest woman...
moha Posted 2007-07-10
To this day, marriage is generally thought of as being the most important decision that both the man and woman can make. Because of this, the whole affair is expensive and elaborate.
moha Posted 2007-07-10
The Imilchil Moussem/Wedding Fair Once a year the people of the various mountain tribes in the Atlas Mountains converge at a special meeting place for the Imilchil Moussem. This special meeting which takes place in September is primarily a massive souk where all Berbers gather to sell and trade their possessions. it is the place of the largest wedding fair in the country. . After Morocco claimed independence, berbers encouraged the continuation of the festival. very few of the marriages here are prearranged. The woman arrive in ceremonial garb and they spend time flirting and getting to know the available men during the festivities and dances. Then, near the end of the celebration, the marriage ceremonies begin and several new marriages are made simultaneously. This ceremony has, in more recent times, received a lot of tourist attention which has detracted from the ceremonies authenticity. However, the joyous occasion continues down to this day and the exact date of the festival can be obtained from the tourist board should you wish to be a part of it.
احمد Posted 2007-07-31
Really the wedding is nice in Morocco...That's why I hope that my future wife will be Moroccan.
تايب احمدعبدالعليم Posted 2007-08-03
I ask God the Almighty to grant success to everyone for the good and welfare. Of course God bless the women of Morocco. God is Great, [they have] beauty, morals, and religion, and this is all that can be wished for marriage, I ask God that my wife will be from Morocco.
عزة Posted 2007-08-29
Frankly the Moroccan wedding is incomparable as to its requirements. Hospitality, the authentic Moroccan dishes, the traditional attire and they differ from region to region. Thanks to God, it's admired by everyone whether Arabs or people from any part of the world.
نجوى Posted 2007-09-13
I’m very proud of being a pure Moroccan and I love the traditions of Moroccan weddings and wish long life to all the brides and grooms of 2007 and wish the same for everyone inchallah. I am Moroccan, and I will keep the flag of my country up with the will of those who agree and against the will of those who refuse. Thank you my brothers.
sanaa Posted 2007-09-18
Everyone in this world is wishing to see his children, time passes.
كريمة Posted 2007-11-27
Morocco, in my opinion, is one of the few countries which are still preserving their traditions in spite of the different cultures and races. It's one of States which can be described as 100% Muslim. I love Morocco and the traditions of Morocco even if some people of Morocco or foreigners damage it by introducing things that aren't fit for this authentic society.
عايض Posted 2007-12-11
With my respects to the honourable and respectable. There are some Moroccan women in the Gulf and other places working in prostitution...???
طارق حرب Posted 2008-01-25
I’m an Iraqi teacher of a Swedish citizenship. I agree with the cheerful festivities of marriage. They reflect an abidance by old Islamic traditions because Morocco wasn’t subject to Persian or Turkish Ottoman colonization, it has therefore preserved its original traditions. The Moroccan girl has the complex of holding on to religion to the point of radicalism because of poverty and bad social conditions. Therefore, many conservative families are sticking more to religion to preserve honour and chastity far from the unjust and bad reputation against Moroccan girls. They’re well-educated and their abidance to religion is the result of old traditions since the eras of the State of Andalusia which fell in 1492 by Banu Al Ahmar. Still, love remains the basis between the spouses to make any festivity that won’t damage their financial position like the Indians who usually pay the debt which took all their life because they spent a lot of money in the wedding, and this ruins the marital life. I advise new families in Morocco to focus on love firstly then a wedding which doesn’t exhaust the wife or husband because the sublime goal of marriage is firstly publicity so that people now that this young girl married such a man and secondly , it's a completion of religion. Imam Ali said when he married after Fatima that he feared to meet God while he was single. Then comes the issue of children and this depends on the agreement of the spouses. The most important thing brothers is to preserve love after marriage, it’s not important how the wedding is celebrated, these are formalities which might spoil marriage and not consolidate its pillars. I hope that all women in Morocco find a suitable husband and care first and foremost. Congratulations to all.
ساري القحطاني Posted 2008-05-14
I am an admirer of the values, culture and beauty of Moroccan girls.
saad Posted 2008-06-10
I am Palestinian and I've been in Morocco recently and in a moroccan weeding it's just Fabulous.I love the moroccan culture their Andalousian roots their generosity when i was here i was like in my home they are simply great and heart-kinded.the tradition is very important there. And I would like to add that the beauty of moroccan girls is amazing they are very beautiful sensual attractive and well-educated it's very injust the bad reputation they have in the golf it's a great pity! I hope now to marry a moroccan woman!!
salma Posted 2008-06-21
I’m very proud of being a pure Moroccan and I love the traditions of Moroccan weddings and wish long life to all the brides and grooms of 2008 and wish the same for everyone inchallah. I am Moroccan, and I will keep the flag of my country up with the will of those who agree and against the will of those who refuse. Thank you my brothers.me too i am looking forward to meeting the suitable man to get married if you lnow somebody nice for me you can writ to me (bye the way i am 30years old beatuful and educated ) . good luck to every body
masud Posted 2008-06-22
i have been chating , talking over phone, with one moroccan girl almost 2 years . i want to marry her and would like to know what necesary papers i need beore i get there to marry her that which i willbe needed later on for her visa .i m living in canada .informative suggestions in this regards are most welcome.
حنان Posted 2008-06-26
Peace and mercy of God be upon you. God bless you. I want to ask you, may God reward you, what are the procedures for marriage in Morocco, especially if the bride is Moroccan and the groom is Palestinian? I want to know what the necessary documents and conditions for such a marriage. God bless you.
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