Helping single mothers cope with their situation
2007-03-09
The subject of women who have children out of wedlock remains taboo in Moroccan society. These single women are often forced to flee from their families and abandon their children. Organizations such INSAF and the Women's Solidarity Association of Casablanca are some of the few places these women can go for support.
Text and Photos by Imane Belhaj for Magharebia in Casablanca—09/03/07
 Many single mothers think about getting rid of the child immediately after birth |
The issue of single mothers is important in Moroccan society today. These women, who are largely young, poor and uneducated, become instant societal outcasts when they find they are pregnant and the child's father reneges on his promise of marriage. Fearing the wrath of their parents, these young women are often forced to flee their homes in fear of scandal and embarrassment in a society governed by customs and traditions.
Many single mothers think about getting rid of the child immediately after birth, sometimes through burying the child alive. Abandoning the child often appears to be the only way for a woman to be accepted back into her family home.
The practice of abandonment causes severe problems for both mothers and their children. Groups which aim to address these problems are few and far between but the National Institution of Solidarity with Women in Distress (INSAF) and the Women's Solidarity Association of Casablanca have been working with single mothers and their children for years.
INSAF director Nabila Tber spoke about the mentality of the single women who come to the association: "The majority of them are despondent upon contacting the association for the first time. They realise the implications on their future in the face of a society that still does not accept such a fate… [O]ur awareness of the problems the subject poses for society compels us to enlist all available capacities to support [these women who] need someone to save them from irretrievable ruin, especially given that no one willingly chose the wrong path."
INSAF's first task with a newly single mother is to establish a bond between the mother and the child. Tber says, "Enabling her to nurse and care for him for a short time leads her to change her decision to get rid of him and gives her an opportunity to become attached to her child and reconnect…with him."
Aicha Chenna, President of the Women’s Solidarity Association, echoes this sentiment. She said that she wants to "preserve the maternal bond and connect the mother and her child, whatever the cost." Chenna recalls seeing a mother nursing her child during his first days. The mother was weeping because she was going to give up her child to the family that was going to adopt him and carry him into the unknown. "The image of this crying mother and the child, who was screaming, was the reason for my commitment to the struggle for every single mother to keep her child," said Chenna.
INSAF helps single mothers find work, find and furnish a place to live and register the children in a nursery school. The organisation closely follows these women’s progress and provides them with additional services when the children are around 2 years old. These services include continued medical treatment and providing medicines and milk for the child in order to lighten the mother's financial burden. "All of this is within the framework of…allowing us to ensure the state of the mother and child together," says Tber.
 INSAF helps single mothers find work, find and furnish a place to live and register the children in a nursery school |
Society’s rejection of these women has exposed the concerned associations to many criticisms and even threats.
Although many women take responsibility for their unplanned pregnancy, the difficulty of the situation is compounded by society and affects both the women involved and society as a whole. "[W]e want to rid our society of many of the repercussions that could result in giving up children for the benefit of an ignorant family," said Chenna.
Problems can arise when children who are raised away from their parents do not know their family or personal identity. "[W]e’ve come across the problem of a man marrying his sister, or a father [marrying] his daughter without knowing. We thus strive to help this mother socially in her ordeal so she can keep her children herself, and she will at least guarantee him a part of his identity and origin," Chenna said.
Zahra, a single mother, is aware of this problem. "Today my daughter is 7. I will reveal the truth to her the day I know she is able to understand things. And together we will search for a lost father among the faces—not to ask him for acknowledgement, but only so he can know of his offspring and realise that he might one day be attracted to a beautiful girl, who might be his daughter…"
One of INSAF's other tasks involves registering the child’s civil status to protect him from being abandoned or subject to an adoption in which the child loses all connection to his biological mother. Through this process, the child is given a family name, even if borrowed, rather than the term "Father: Unknown", which could affect the child throughout his life.
INSAF also initiates contact with the single mother’s family in order to bring them closer, search for a means of reconciliation and urge acceptance of their daughter’s new circumstance. "In this way, the mother can reintegrate into family circles. We’ve been able to bring 37% of families together with their daughters, and this percentage is rising," said Tber. In many cases, the associations also make contact with the biological father, whom the association tries to convince to assume his responsibility and recognise his child.
The associations also provide emotional and psychological support for single mothers. When asked about her situation, Zahra said, "I need psychological assistance. I want to talk to people, or more specifically, to those living the same tragedy." Single mother "B.J." asserts, "Indeed we are in dire need of someone who restores our hope in life and in tomorrow, so we make amends for our sin if our mistakes were because of ignorance and poverty…Family has thrown us out, and society would just about destroy us if not for the determination of INSAF and its perseverance in taking on our case with all of its dimensions."
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redwan Posted 2007-03-10
Is there a site for the Islamic education of these women!
xy Posted 2007-03-13
Dear Sirs receiving these comments, I think that your articles have some very good things to say, but even so we are asking for topics which are different from those we are receiving and I am asking you to review this. I would like to thank you for giving us the opportunity to express our opinion.
Anonymous Posted 2007-03-14
an interesting article
fatma Posted 2007-03-14
Here's a man who talks without thinking, those women, before being transformed by our moroccan society, were once innocent girls, and they had maybe a violent father, or violent brother, and they were maybe poor, and marginalized, maybe they were daugher of, we know our society, we can't deny it, we're just all guilty. Those women were victims of men, that is sure, victims of wrong promises, so what is done is done, and we have to improve women's situation un Morocco, and not criticize them, and what is islamic education, when a man beats a woman, because he's drunk, or because she doen't obey her mother-in-law or a sister-in-law, or because she complains that her husband doesn't pay attention to her, who [her husband] after 20 or 30 years of wedding, goes to find another 15 year old victim, so Mr Redwan, what "Islam" are you talking about ?
Beekeeper Posted 2007-03-15
I have a very simple proposal. I think that as long as those women will have children born of illicit relations( and we, men can't do anything aboutthat, as you can imagine), let's throw them out into the sea and then we can live between us in our beloved country...Because we're all saints, aren't we ?
katy Posted 2007-03-18
I think a woman should not need a man to raise a child. It is only a matter of tradition. A woman is much more capable of bringing up a child than a man.
Said Posted 2007-03-25
Katy, you are wrong. A man alone can also raise children, but kids need both parents to grow up and gain confidence.
nachiti Posted 2007-03-26
We can't build a house without a solid foundation, and that's the same for the family
lamia Posted 2007-03-30
Unlike some people, i think what you wrote in this article is very interesting. The issue of single mothers is becoming more and more serious in Morocco and other countries. We must talk about it, trying to make people more aware about it. I want to tell Katy that yes, a woman can raise her kids alone, just as a man can do, this is not the problem. A child needs both his mum and dad to grow up, within a family, each has a definite role. The child is the one who suffers most.
abade 25 Posted 2007-04-04
The whole life is the locomotive of the human being
DeShunia Bakkouri Posted 2007-04-09
I don't understand how these women are so misled to believe a muslim man would marry them after they already slept with them. i didn't know it was a problem in the islamic society from my understanding i thought these women are so evident on how there virginty is so important to them.
Anonymous Posted 2007-04-18
I'm a young girl in the 20's I will give birth to an illegitimate child after my darling has left me. Not for my ignorance but I understood his conditions as he's unable to marry me, but he denied everything for an idle excuse, and he left. And I'll pay the price, I'll be thrown to the street and be homeless, I'll become a prostitute in spite of myself. I'd rather commit suicide rather than be like that, and if my family forsakes me for that reason, my faith in God is greater, and if God have mercy on me I won't need mercy of anyone else. And at the end I own up that I was stupid.
الناصحة لله Posted 2007-05-07
No my sister I advise you not to think of committing suicide don't you see the terrible outcome that might result of that return to your God and ask for his forgiveness
روضة Posted 2007-05-12
I don't know what to say, you're mistaken, thanks.
نزهة Posted 2007-05-13
I'm a victim of barbaric rape, now I'm bearing my suffering alone without anyone knowing anything about it, and as a result of that I'm pregnant...What should I do?
fehim Posted 2007-06-13
Okay, I would like to say one thing. I am a social worker in a maternity ward in Algeria working with single mothers and with anything concerning their children’s well-being. They have a reason for abandoning their children. Why? Because there are too many problems. Each one has her reasons to abandon her child. It is unfortunate, but that is life.
moha Posted 2007-07-11
Child support is paid by the noncustodial parent to ensure that their children have what they need to live a comfortable life. Child support laws and enforcement differ from state to state, but in all regions and jurisdictions, non-custodial parents must pay according to the court's child support order or face legal consequences.that why we have to register our DNA (ADN) and each one of us can have dna account in order for the laws enforcement can treat the issue with respect.
lysa Posted 2007-09-15
I am a young woman, age 26. I am going to give birth in March and I am proud of this, I have fallen helplessly in love with the thought of a baby. It is stupid, but that is the way it is and sometimes it just happens that way. In the beginning, my friends suggested I get an abortion. I thought about it, but then I changed my mind. It will not be easy; I am going to have so many serious problems. But, then, nothing is easy. Why should I kill a living being. I am sorry, it is true that in Islam what I am doing is shameful, but to go from there to taking a life? That is what is truly shameful and unforgivable. God can forgive all, but I don't think taking a soul can be forgiven. And, frankly, the prejudices and insults I face do not do a thing to me. Nothing is perfect, so some advice before getting an abortion: think about it first.
salima Posted 2007-11-11
Hello, I would like to know to whom I need to address myself to report against a family that is employing and, as many have witnessed, mistreating a young girl of 6 or 7 years.
maryam Posted 2008-01-05
Thank you for the article; I found it very interesting. We need to encourage work like this association does. Otherwise, who is going to take care of these women!? You are doing a great job! Please, give us more information about this! A single woman should never ever have to turn to prostitutions! -Props to you
هاجر Posted 2008-01-14
Salam alaikoum my brothers. I'm a young girl of 19. I was victim of an illegitimate relationship with a young man. I'm pregnant from that relation. He left me and I don't know where he is. I'm perplexed whether to choose my child or my father. Please help me as soon as possible.
سليمة Posted 2008-02-04
I’m a social worker from Algeria. I work in the service of rescued kids and single mothers. I am trying to do a research about this topic in my master’s thesis given the importance and significance of this phenomenon from all its sides whether for the child or the mother. So I ask you please to help me with any information, studies or books or information about this topic and that can help in this research.
mohamed Posted 2008-02-14
I am really outraged by the type of life these poor girls are stuck with. Would God accept this? What you accept for your brother, you should accept for yourself. For all these so-called “practicing” people who play with the intimate parts of these young girls, you do not know what you have in store tomorrow. There are many of us Algerian men who are sensitive to this problem and we are in the majority. Tell us how to help these mothers. Some of us would like to have wives. This is serious. While we are waiting for your response, may God help them.
mariamania Posted 2008-02-21
In order to avoid all sorts of rape and its consequences (for example: single mothers and homeless children), we need communication, information and, finally, an education on everything that comprises our lives, especially about sexual relations; and, of course, this needs to be doe in a manner that respects our traditions and our religion, as we are Muslims.
michelle Posted 2008-03-16
I met and fell in love with a Moroccan man whilst living in Spain, he led me to believe that he was separated from his wife as he married very young and it was an arranged marriage . He talked about marriage and we even put our vows at registrar. It was not to be , I became pregnant with his child, a girl and I returned to the Uk to have my baby, whilst my back was turned he had an instant reunion with his wife and that was the end of me and our daughter Yasmine,(now 6years old). Things need to change its true , the moral of the story is dont believe a word until you are sure of any man, I would suggest it better to have a wedding ring on your finger first . I would not have been in this situation if he had told the truth about his wife in the begginning. He has not been any type of father to our daughter and although given many chances to see yasmine , he has shown no interest. You call this a Muslim man, I have a better name. LIAR!
sara Posted 2008-03-17
In response to the article on single mothers, there are many things and lots of problems.
رجاء Posted 2008-05-08
Your articles are great and I congratulate you.
sara Posted 2008-05-08
Hi All, I am a thirty-year old woman. I live abroad. I am a single mother. I know that I too have made a mistake that no one can forgive me for, especially my family, but I hope that God will forgive me. Because of this, I am not psychologically ill. It has been many years since I have seen my family. I would like to go see them, but I am afraid of having problems with the authorities at the airport because it is written on my residency permit that I am a single mother and that my daughter is an Italian citizen. Help me, please. I am am really suffering and I know that my family is suffering because they need to see me. Please respond to me and let me know if there is a solution. Thank you in advance.
miro Posted 2008-05-17
Hi! I am a student and I decided to do a presentation on single mothers. Please, I would like to know what solutions there are for these poor women. Thank you in advance
ميميشا Posted 2008-05-20
I am very scared that I am pregnant even if my hymen is intact. The problem isn’t with my present lover but the first. Please inform me, does sperm have any effect? And the second says that he is welcome thinking that he is his son.
MIMI Posted 2008-06-18
Hello, I do not know why society is reacting in this way. The most important thing is to help women not commit further sins, and that is what will happen if we do not help them. Nobody is perfect.
relax Posted 2008-06-19
I am sorry for all of you. But, such is life. We need to move forward. Pay attention to you children. Love them. God is great and he will forgive everybody. What is most important is to not reject your children. They have asked for nothing. Take care of your responsibilities, because the victims are our children.
hanane Posted 2008-06-22
A request for help for a girl who is illegitimately pregnant. She left her family’s house out of fear. We want your help. For any information, this is the phone number.
fatou Posted 2008-07-01
Having suffered much from the opinions of others, I would like to create an association like yours. Whom can I contact?
leila Posted 2008-07-08
Unfortunately, what is happening to the Algerian women is unfortunate. They are judged and condemned from birth. I wonder why women are judged and not men, while they are the ones who are the cause of women’s misfortune. Women cannot make children alone, so why should they have to take on the burden of this responsibility all alone while the fathers do not. I think that Algerian men lack both a moral and sexual education more than woman. Society is immoral; it condemns and it does not educate.
mondot Posted 2008-07-23
This is so nice and good all the way around.
racha82 Posted 2008-08-06
Please provide me the addresses of associations for assistance of single mothers in Morocco. I want the address of an association please. Thank you.
yasmine Posted 2008-09-26
I am a single woman. I need to know my rights and the rights of my daughter!!! I work in a call centre doing telephone assistance. Once they found out that I was pregnant, they told me that that was forbidden and that they could no longer keep me there on staff. In the end, though, they did anyway, but it was on the condition that I take only one month’s leave without pay, nothing more, nothing less. I would like to know if they should be responding as such or if I was a victim in this ordeal.
gonzalez Posted 2008-09-30
But, there are solutions on an individual basis. If you would like to get to know a single mother, to involve yourself in her life, to love her and her child(ren), then I am alone and I would like to turn this wishful thinking into a reality, and perhaps there are many more like me.
katia Posted 2008-10-14
I have recruited a girl as a maid. After one week, I discovered that she was pregnant but she isn’t married. I was unable to fire her. I was very sad for her condition. I can’t recommend abortion to her. Therefore, I try to help her. I went to Women Solidarity Association which guided me to other associations to help the girl.
firyal Posted 2008-10-30
Hi- I will start without an introduction. I am a 19-year-old girl and I am pregnant. When I discovered I was pregnant, I discussed it with my mother and older sister, something that was not easy. My mother decided that we could leave my child to someone else. Both of them stayed beside me and helped me financially with what they could give me. I left the house and rented a one-room apartment with my sister because I could not stay at home in sight of my neighbours, especially as I have a big brother and little sister and brother. They are all still in Morocco and nobody would leave them alone. In fact, I forgot to tell you that my parents are divorced. My father is still in contact with us. I am ashamed of myself, but at the same time I cannot leave my child to someone else: it is a part of me, like it or not. I continue with my studies because they are my only escape. I have two years left to get my diploma and two months left before I give birth to my child. What am I to do? I am so upset. I do not know what I am supposed to do as far as laws go and the sooner to the birth the more nervous I become. Praise God, I have no other problems. I am afraid of being alone. It is possible that some of you might ask what the father thinks of this, but I do not plan on telling him because he does not deserve to have a child. Moreover, he wouldn’t care about it. If it is possible, help me. I got into contact with your organisation over the telephone and I am waiting for the social worker to contact me back. I left my contact information with the receptionist. Thank you for having given me the chance to tell my story without having to justify myself. What is done is done and it would be pointless to go into it. -Firyal
Hicham Posted 2008-11-01
Govt need to give and provide awearness among young girl and boys about dating and sex education to control unwanted pregnancy... and date rape is increasing in marco, through sex education young people can protect them selves againt this sexual preditors local or from ourside
رشيد زايزون Posted 2008-12-24
Dear sisters. Everything you say could have been the result of your mistake, I don’t talk here about widows. Now the topic concerns women who aren’t yet married. To the married women, enough topics. Every time you mention at the beginning of the topic (for married women only – the entry of girls is banned…). You left nothing for them. Who would advise them? They need advice. Anyway my girls, the story belongs to a friend of mine but I copied it because it deals with the same subject. The friend says. I was engaged for nine months. During that period, my fiancé was playing with my mind. He convinces me to go out with him, be more daring and go to our apartment where we will marry. Of course he convinces me with words such as you are my legitimate woman, I am deprived without you, I want you, I love you, I, I…You all know this. Of course I do as he wishes because I am extremely happy, weak towards him, cannot resist him as I love him (I still do now). I carried out all his desires because the girl is very emotional by her nature. Things have progressed as he has wished and wanted (without marriage of course, which means that we kept consummation of marriage to the wedding). We married afterwards. However, to this day, it is five years now, he is still rebuking and insulting me for what we did. He says, I was testing you. You shouldn’t have accepted even if I asked you to. You were very east with me. If you were really pious you wouldn’t have accepted…I think that you understood the advice. Now she regrets having accepted what he wanted. He considered this to be the biggest mistake committed by the friend in her life. So be careful and don’t exaggerate. Even if your fiancé says nice words to you, be sure that he wants to trap you, take the biggest thing you have and throw you like garbage in a dustbin, even if he is your fiancé. Nothing would prevent him from breaking up with you on the pretext that you weren’t protecting yourself. Wolves wearing clothes commit their acts, when they want to marry they choose a conservative Muslim woman who preserves the religion of her God. If you ask him what’s wrong with the other girl? He will say I don’t accept that the mother of my children offers herself to me before the wedding day. Oh pure sister, don’t accept anything. After the wedding night, do anything he wants and you want. Be patient for a few months and you will rest for years. Your brother Rachid Zaizoun from Had Al Gharbia.
Amal Posted 2008-12-31
Good evening- I am looking for the contact information for the organisation that deals with single mothers so that I may make a donation and help mother who have unfortunately been rejected by our society. May I have the director’s telephone number? Thank you in advance. And, just one more thing about single mothers: I do not understand why the blame always falls upon the girls who become pregnant and not upon the boys who have slept with them, the latter knowing full well that he was not married to her. It takes two to make a baby, so the responsibility for it belongs to the two. Thus, the girls and boys both share a part of the responsibility, not just the girls. I find it truly disgusting that, even in our religion, a man does not have to remain a virgin until marriage and that this rule only applies to girls. This is all just to say that we need to change the mentality of the Moroccan men. I hope that one day we will be more tolerant.
Single mother of a 6 yr old Posted 2009-01-11
I was date raped and have a 6 yr old son as a result. I adore my child and would not give him up for anything. I do not understand a culture that condemns and punishes these women (whether they were willing or not) and gives the men a free pass!! Why is the woman responsible for the sin, but the men did nothing wrong? If the women are cast out then their partners should be also. The better solution is to support both and help them to make better decisions in the future. I also would like to know how to make a donation to help these women who are victims of sexist discrimination.
quamar abdelmajid Posted 2009-01-31
I want to join a vocational training centre.
خديجة Posted 2009-04-07
I am a 19 year old girl. I am pregnant, in my fourth month. I decided to abort my baby after his father left me. This is a difficult decision for me because my family left me. I hope that the association helps me.
salma Posted 2009-05-13
I need help or advice. I adopted my niece. Her father is unknown and her mother abandoned her. I took her home and treat her the same as I do my children. The only thing is, I am worried because the situation has already become difficult. Her birth certificate does not have her father’s name on it, and i do not have the right to get it from him because she is not my daughter and I do not have any documentation proving my guardianship. (Her mother has not given us a sign that she is alive in six years.) The girl is 11 years old and soon she will start preparatory school. What should I do? Please respond.
oum amir Posted 2009-09-14
I am looking for the addresses of organisations that help single mothers in Rabat. Please let me know via email.
نور الهدى Posted 2009-09-30
I am a single mother. I am a university student. I am 21.
بهيجة Posted 2009-10-01
I hope that administrators of the site will help me. I want the number and address of Inssaf association. I am pregnant in one month and half. I am writing these words and no one at home knows about it. I haven't informed the young man as well because I was informed only yesterday. I am scared because he could have gone back to France as he lives there. Pray for me to find him or find his mother, by God. I am sorry.
amal Posted 2009-10-08
Good evening- I am a student planning to become a social worker. I would like to have some information as well as some books and texts on this subject so as to better clear this subject up and do away with the taboos.
(ب.لبنى) Posted 2009-10-15
Salam alikum. I am 24. I am a housemaid. The perpetrator who is a security officer deserted me when he knew I am pregnant in my sixth month. My family is rural and poor. They will not accept me if they know about the pregnancy. My employer sacked me from her house. I have no shelter and no support except God the Almighty. I am prone to living in streets. Please provide me the phone number of the centre or fax. Help me, may God reward you with good.
sabah el wadi Posted 25 days ago
I am a woman. I lived with a man for four years. I had his child. He then told me that this child was not his. I swear before God that this child is his. He refuses to give the child his last name. Please, help me. –Thank you
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